I just pynch a tree in the face
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
