i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
