I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
