I'm really into asian looking animals
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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