Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if only i could text you this smell
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
