never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
