I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
