Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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