hotel room ftw
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
