Will you blow on my dice?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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