We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
