Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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