I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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