i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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