I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
