you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
