If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
