he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
