When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
40s are totally the cure
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
