Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
