hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
