i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We left the knife in your bed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
