Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
