matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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