ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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