Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
