Apparently you make a good broom.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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