Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
