So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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