I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
