sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
