I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
