True but thats because hes a fetus.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He better not be in your backpack
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
