in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
