I just pynch a tree in the face
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
