Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
