So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
