i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
