Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
