i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She bit a glass in half.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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