it's too hot outside to masturbate.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
