U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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