I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
