shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
