Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
