She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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