actually, I'm a sock model
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
