the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
