I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
