you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Mom said you looked used
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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