Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
