A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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